Cover Spotlight: Cooper
COOPER
This month’s cover star hardly needs an introduction — but he’ll take one anyway. Cooper embodies Beginnings: equal parts chaos, charm, and a face that thinks deadlines are for chewing.
Likes: deadlines he can ignore, belly rubs during staff meetings, stealing Ramona’s camera bag.
Dislikes: emotional support alligators, unbuttered popcorn, “quiet hours.”
When asked how it feels to be the first cover dog, he simply wagged and said, “Iconic.”
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Table of Contents
HEY FROM THE NEWSROOM
Welcome to the premiere issue of Cooper Says Hey, your satirical journal for canine culture, human chaos, and whatever else Cooper drags into the office. Each edition brings you news that barks, howls, and occasionally chews through the truth — thoughtful, funny, and always a little messy.
This month, we launch with Cooper on the cover — embodying Beginnings and reminding us deadlines are best ignored with a nap. Inside: Ask Meeka, Weird News, a puzzle or two, and Ramona’s corner of creative mayhem.
Feature Story
Wally, the Emotional Support Alligator, Denied Boarding at O’Hair International
By Nala (with unwanted commentary from Ramona)
Airport officials confirmed Wally was denied boarding after attempting to pass through PreCheck with a handler who claimed, “He’s less bitey after a margarita.”
Witnesses say the gator grew combative when told to remove his Crocs. One gate agent reported he “whipped his tail like it was amateur night.”
(Ramona, across the newsroom: “Tell them next time to book him in cargo. At least cargo doesn’t flirt with staff.”)
Wally was last seen in baggage claim, crying into a duty-free Jack Daniels.
(Ramona again: “Jack? Amateur. At least make it bourbon if you’re going to sob.”)
This week’s additions to…
🎞️ Ramona’s Studio
Welcome to my corner of the newsroom — where the lights are hot, the dogs are hotter, and the shutter never lies. Every cover starts here, every portrait gets its glow-up here, and yes, Cooper already licked the lens.
Think your dog’s got the face to stop traffic (or at least a mail truck)? Step up. The booth’s open.
BEGINNINGS
Inspired by the colors on Chicago’s iconic album cover “Beginnings”.
I called it Beginnings because every legend needs a first shot. Cooper strutted in, stole the lens, and dared me to keep up. This isn’t a portrait — it’s an opening act. And trust me, you’ll want an encore.
SONATA IN LIGHT
I don’t do quiet portraits — I do anthems.
Sonata in Light was all amps up, golden haze, and a dog that hit every note like a frontman in leather pants. You don’t hang this on a wall; you headline it.
Visionary Voices
DEAR MEEKA
Meeka, columnist. Fluent in bad decisions and unsolicited advice.
Q: Dear Meeka, my boyfriend fetches the ball but never brings it back. Should I stay?
A: Darling, if you wanted a man who holds onto things, you’d date a hoarder. Next.
Q: Dear Meeka, my dog won’t stop humping the neighbor’s leg. What do I do?
A: Nothing. That neighbor’s finally getting some attention — you should be sending thank-you notes.
Q: Dear Meeka, I can’t decide between keto or paleo. Help!
A: Sweetheart, if the diet doesn’t let you drink wine, it’s a cult. Grab a glass and call it “Mediterranean.”
SEND MEEKA YOUR QUESTIONS →
Sports Bark with Chick
Greyhound Racing Called Out for Performance-Enhancing Treats
— Chick, Sports
Well, ain’t this a bitch. Greyhound racing’s gone dirty — and not the fun kind. Turns out the dogs weren’t chasing glory. They were hopped up on peanut butter bones like frat boys on Jell-O shots.
Officials are wringing their hands, talking suspensions. Please. These hounds were clocking speeds that’d make a Tesla blush. I saw one run so fast he practically dry-humped the finish line.
The handlers call it “just a little boost.” Buddy, when your dog’s pupils are blown and he’s gnawing the rail like it’s prom night, that ain’t a boost. That’s a scandal.
Bottom line? Don’t act shocked. Every greyhound I’ve ever met would sell his soul for a biscuit. If peanut butter bones are a felony, then lock up the whole damn kennel.
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This week’s puzzle brought to you by Ace
THE ONES THAT DIDN’T MAKE IT…
RAMONA’S OUTTAKES
The shots that were never meant to see the light of day — until now.
These edits didn’t make the cut for the cover because, let’s be honest… they were a little too cheesy even for us. But hey, taste is subjective.
A Final Note
COOP’S SCOOP
If a first issue is a promise, then ours is this: it won’t always be clean, it won’t always be on time, and it definitely won’t be squirrel-free. But it will always be alive. We’re a newsroom that believes outtakes deserve ink and deadlines deserve a nap. Thanks for stepping inside the circus. We’ll keep the ink fresh, the tone sharp, and the welcome mat covered in paw prints.
Until next time, remember: it’s not about chasing perfection, it’s about chasing the squirrel — even if you never catch it. Thanks for being part of the mayhem.
— Cooper, Editor-in-Chief